College Essay Practice - Love

**For the record, I have no actual idea of this is appropriate for a college essay, I was more just trying to describe an experience in an exaggeratedly descriptive form**

This wasn't supposed to happen. I had simply been trying to live my high school, teenaged life in peace, away from anything that could potentially distract me from my focus. And this notion had been fulfilled, day after day after day. And life was great. But once you fall in, you REALLY fall in, and there's no getting out... Not any time soon. Consider my thoughts and emotions sacrificed, free time reserved. Deem all my past advices and guidances invalid, discreditable. I won't be able to keep my mind to myself, because now, it's always occupied.

Love. That is what this is all about.

I've never felt a sensation quite like it before... I immediately felt the difference in feeling, the change in perspective. I hadn't liked him before now. I knew from the beginning that there was something a little bit off, but I let it go. It was the funniest thing realizing what was happening. It started out like any crush does, fleeting feelings, occasional thoughts, meticulous behavior analysis. That paranoid wondering if you're being too flirtatious, or too friendly, or too weird... It's never decided. You can never know, and the enigma of the unknown makes you anxious, making you sweat more than you usually would, and automatically reducing the quality of your appearance. You become uber self conscious and hyper aware of the relationships held with all the other girls. Normal teenager action.

But soon enough, the feelings became too strong to handle, and my world began to change. It wasn't a modest crush anymore. His smile and laugh weren't simple expression any longer... They would consume me, cloud my thoughts. His stride in his walk, the smoothness of all his movements combined all flowed together, an unintentional dance of modesty. No one else could recognize the sequence of movements, but it confronted me constantly, stealing my attention. I would absorb every word he told me. And no matter how much I would resist the power of it, resist my thoughts and emotions, nothing worked. So I fell deeper and deeper into a different part of myself.

The only problem is that I'm 16. Time after time friends would come to tell me how much they "loved" this person and that, their feelings being "too strong" to handle, and I'd respond with "No... You can't love at 16." Well, it appears that I have proven myself wrong, ironically falling into the same pattern of behavior I once chided others for. You can never fully understand until you experience it yourself. Now here I am, 16 years old, stuck in a world of feelings with no way out. Never assume what happens to others won't happen to you. Be humble, be understanding, be safe. ✌🏽️

Free Post - School

I am so done with the school year. I know the end is coming, but it won't come fast enough. I have been mentally unprepared for school for a few weeks now, unable to do my homework where it's supposed to be done... At home. Once I get home I immediately feel alleviated of stress, alleviated from obligated, alleviated from life. And I drift off to sleep, sometimes 4-5 hours at a time. I make up for all the lost hours of sleep that got tossed by a history project, or maybe by a precalculus packet. I sleep peacefully, dreaming of the would be's and the what if's in my perfect universe of imagination, complete with all emotions. Love, sadness, happiness, fatigue. And I'm at ease. Everything is well and good until I wake up, suddenly smacked and intimidated by all the duties that await me in that beautiful Jansport backpack not even 3 feet away. Omens of obligation and time consumption swirl around it menacingly, only coercing me further to stay in bed and sleep away my worries. As this has been a common decision made by me in these past few weeks, I pick up that Jansport with me after waking up late every single day, those omens surrounding me now, unacknowledged. Rings of fatigue infiltrate my cheeks. Sluggishness inhabits my eyes. Frailness possesses my body. I am not ready for school.

I am so done with this school year. 

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close 3

I'm not sure how I feel about this book yet. I haven't even gotten to the 20% point and I'm already feeling uneasy about it. I actually like the start of the storyline, the main character and his perosnality, but it stills seems too scattered and a bit hard to follow. I still have to go read and reread lines because things change so quickly. And even the structure is different, with the lines of the different characters all smushed together in paragraphs rather than separate lines and visually that can be challenging for me sometimes haha. the font is rather small and the pages are long, so the simple appearance might actually be stressing me out. nd as I mentioned in a prior post, I'm still stressing out with school and a book like this may not be the correct choice right now. I want to be able to immerse myself in a book, and perhaps Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is a book that requires special attention in order to truly grasp and assimilate the plot and the characterization without being distracted and discouraged by technicalities such as font size and page length. In reality, these things don't matter in your imagination.

Hamlet Response

Hamlet is most certainly a troubled character faced with a complex moral dilemma, much like what the average Christian describes as a trial. Growing up in a society of Christian values and studying theology at college, he knows what is considered right and what he should really do. However, just as Laertes points out, it's not really about him, it's about the state of Denmark. I think Foster really highlights Hamlet's internal conflict when he says "Hamlet's inaction in this scene is not a result of cowardice or even of a perception of moral ambiguity but rather the very thoroughness of his commitment." Sure, he's overcome with emotion and depression from the death of his father and his mother marrying so quickly to his brother, which isn't necessarily incestuous but seemingly wrong. Us as readers can understand his pain and suffering, but the idea of killing King Claudius isn't just out of spite, it was a request given from the ghost of his father as an act to save Denmark. At the end of the day, Hamlet isn't a slave to his own heart and ambition, he's a slave to Denmark, the country that he will rule soon (well, *would rule, if he hadn't killed himself). Being a prince leaves him to rid emotions and thoughts of himself and those around him (like Ophelia) and to simply do what is most beneficial for the kingdom, even if that means hurting people in the process. Since he is pretty sensitive, I don't know if he'd be strong enough to actually be able to handle the entire kingdom himself.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close 2

Knowing me, I like to be able to relate to the characters in the book that I'm reading. It allows me to become more immersed into the plot, more connected to thew characters' thoughts and emotions. It becomes like a friendship. And with Oskar, I totally understand him. He overthinks everything, analyzes things people say to him and asks A LOT of questions. I do the exact same thing! MY friends and family say that I ask too many questions and that it can be annoying at times.  mean, I've never been in their position, but i don't think asking a lot of questions is a bad thing. Questioning what's going on around you and the actions of others means that you are a deep thinker. Deep thinkers don't take things at face value. Deep thinkers can see things from other perspectives. Deep thinkers aren't narrow minded and like to hear to other opinions. And I am proud to be a deep thinker, and Oskar should be proud as well, even more so since he's a genius and only 9 years old. Always question what you hear because sometimes people's opinions are biased and poorly thought out.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close 1

This book is quite scattered in the beginning. I mean I suppose I could follow along, but it was quite hard to digest all of the information that he was giving me. Lots of description and development and stage setting in a very non cohesive order. I am a person that likes to keep things organized, so I became quite frustrated when I had to read through the beginning. And then all of a sudden, the narrator says that he can't speak and had to use a book to answer people's questions? That really caught me off guard. Like was this a terrible transition to a diary entry from a different character? It was dated in 1963 so Oskar was definitely not born, but it was such an abrupt change that I was too distracted by my own confusion to actually comprehend all that was going on in the chapter itself. I think I'm going to have to reread it lol. Plus, with all this testing and essays surrounding me right now I don't have a lot of focus to keep up with such a haphazardly written book. Maybe that's a bit much to say but it's the truth. I've heard so many good things about this book and i don't want to be disappointed. Hopefully I can give it the time and attention that it needs.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower 6

Remember how I mentioned that Brad would bully Patrick by calling him names? Well... Brad decided to make an entire scene by saying all types of nasty things, and Charlie wasn't having it. Not at all. Long story short, Brad starts punching and wrestling Patrick, Brad's friends get involved and start beating Patrick, so Charlie gets involved. After a lot of chair throwing and hard punches, Charlie wins!!!! #teamcharlie I had this mental image of Charlie being a little scrawny, small boy that would be weak, but sometimes the little ones surprise you! He beat Brad down and threatened to BLIND him and tell everyone his secret if he tried something again!!! OMG. In that moment I just felt so proud. Charlie stood up for once, and it wasn't even for himself. That takes quite a bit of courage and confidence. Brad finally got what he deserved. There was no reason for Brad and his friends to get away with saying such terrible things to someone as sweet and quiet as Patrick! That's incredibly disgusting. I am no advocate for violence, violence is never the answer, but sometimes, on occasion... someone REALLY needs a good hit to knock them into place and stop them in their tracks. Is that wrong to say? Pfft, I don't really care... It's my opinion. As long as it's not me doing the "knocking into place", we're good. But something had to stop Brad from continuing his immature behavior, and it was effective!

If you have to leave here with some type of advice, it would be this: never promote violence, always make it last resort. Never throw the first punch. But if it does come to it, make sure you go 100%, because if you don't, it will be a waste of energy.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower 5

After Patrick and his friend that he met at a party (Brad) were caught having sex by Brad's father, exposing the sexuality of the both of them, Brad decided to not keep the secret going and drop Patrick altogether. Not only did he stop talking to Patrick entirely, he made an effort to call him terrible names in regards to his sexuality. Isn't that sad?? It got so bad that Patrick became depressed and needed a lot of emotional support, which Charlie cheerfully gave. He would go with Patrick everywhere, to the movies, to the store, to the park... just to listen to him talk. Get all of his feelings out. And when I read this, it immediately reminded me of myself! I hate to talk so much about myself on my blogs (not really lol these are my blogs, after all...) but giving a lot of support is one of my better qualities. I'm a listener, not a talker, naturally...Something about sitting and absorbing information being given to me is really calming. But when I listen, I listen deeply and think through everything that is said to me. So many times I have been cut off, interrupted, ignored and blown off by people simply because they didn't have the energy to sit and listen to me in return. It's upsetting, but that is why I choose my moments to speak accordingly. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them banter and get all their thoughts out smoothly. I have yet to find myself my own Bianca.